My close friend Q's daughter is leaving home to attend a college in the US. Naturally, Q is quite anxious. He asked me to write up some dos and donts for her, based on my experience. At first I hesitated - times are different now, I thought - but then I realized (hoped? wished?) some things remain the same.
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So you are starting college soon. Congratulations! The next four years will be the best years of your life. Certainly my college years were. But if you don't watch out, college can also be a lost opportunity which you will regret later in life.
Here are thoughts to ponder. Follow them if it helps. Some are drawn from advice my parents gave me when I left home, some are from my own college days, and some are from life after college, when I realized things I could have done better or differently.
1. Achieve Your Goals: On a piece of paper write down your goals before you leave home. You must achieve these goals. Make this your most important, non-negotiable mission.
2. Take Care of Your Health: studies will demand a lot of energy; then there are extracurricular activities. Sometimes it will feel that 24 hours in a day are not enough. Be sure to get enough rest and eat well. Maintain a steady weight. It is no fun being sick far away from family and it will mess up your grades. Be extra careful when seasons change. Wash hands often when the flu is going around.
3. Learn, Learn, Learn: Learn your field of study. Also, learn where you can find out the things you need to know. Learn how to organize your thoughts, your work and your life. Learn something that you will never get another chance to learn - eg, Latin or playing the gamelan or downhill skiing. Learn to dream big and learn how to turn those dreams into reality.
4. Think Like a Producer, not a Consumer: the US is consumer paradise, and you will be tempted to buy, buy, buy. But college is also the best place to learn how to be the producer who makes those goods or delivers valuable services to others. For example, instead of buying a fashionable new computer try to learn how one is made - make one if you can. Lead those smart people you are surrounded with - who knows, they might become your partner in that empire you build.
5. Don't Overload: If you have the choice, don't sign up for too many courses (or too many hours of campus work). You can quickly become miserable in college if you are constantly overworked and sleep-deprived.
6. Be Yourself: In the new environment constantly placing demands on you, and being surrounded by young people from many backgrounds, it is sometimes hard to stick to your own values and beliefs. Never forget who you are. Always be proud of yourself, your culture, your values. This does not mean you should not adapt - you should always be absorbing better things - but that you stay solid on your foundation, the one that your parents and our teachers spent years helping you build. Don't do things that will shame your parents, relatives or teachers.
7. Don't Switch Majors: Decide what you want to study and then stick to it. Otherwise the four year college can easily stretch to six or eight years.
8, Don't quit college before graduating.
9. Stay on Top of Coursework: I got through four years of engineering undergraduate at Cornell - a strict and demanding program - without ever staying up all night to study. My secret was to stay on top of my coursework. For example, by attacking a homework three days before it was due, I had a chance to ask the professor for help in case I got stuck. But if I waited until the last minute to attack the homework, that chance was gone.
10. Avoid Vices: Pick sensible friends who will not lead you astray. Learn to deal with temptation: avoid drugs and alcohol; don't overeat. But don't become a monk or a nun either - enjoy your youth. This time comes only once in your life.
11. Teachers: Show respect to teachers, work with them and learn the most from them. Don't be shy about negotiating better grades if you really believe you deserve better, and can prove it.
12. New Situations: You will always face new situations, sometimes in urgent circumstances. Be unwavering in your faith. Don't panic. Think it through before making a decision. Don't take shortcuts.
13. Friendships: After the army, college friendships are the strongest. Build friendships with good people and sustain them.
14. Please come home after you achieve your goals.
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7 comments:
Best of luck to your friend's daughter, moving away to college is difficult for all young people - moving halfway across the world is very impressive.
My wife's sister is getting ready to start college this fall and one piece of advice I gave her, and I think this is very important, is to join organizations on campus that you're interested in. Maybe a drama club, or science club, or any kind of club. It's a great way to make friends and meet people.
Also, many universities in the US have a Bangladeshi students association - this could be a good place for her to meet people that can also help her navigate the transition from Bangladesh to America.
Hi Seth,
Thanks for your suggestions. It is impressive both for students and for parents (in letting them go.)
I completely forgot about the campus organizations part. Yes, that can be a big help.
Not so worried about Bangladeshi associations - my experience was that they kinda gravitate towards each other - some kind of natural attraction :-)
Great advice. I wish I had those when I was starting my journey years back. Luckily I was able stay in the right track at least that's what I think.
My personal strategy was to mingle with Bangladeshis and other South Asians and also with locals and people from all over the world. Where else can one have such unique opportunity that can enrich one beyong imagination. But the trick is to know the limits.
Hi Rehan,
Thanks! You are right, there is a unique opportunity to mix with people of many backgrounds, leading to a rich experience. But you have to know to balance.
I love reading about your journey home. I also came to US after high school from Bangladesh, and it truly was a challenge to stay true to myself, heritage & culture. I think the one thing that helped me stay on the path was the constant guidance from my parents & family - I was calling them constantly. I also went home during breaks, which helped me immensely. Good luck to your friend's daughter. It's an exciting time ahead for a young person, so many opportunities lie ahead in academia!
Hi Yasmin,
Thanks for reading the blog - glad to hear you enjoy it. Staying in constant touch with friends and family helps tremendously. In my student days it was difficult (phone calls to Bd were $3/minute, for example). But of course very appropriate today.
Hello Bhaia,
I run a blog called Scholarship For USA. It's an information portal for international students in the US. I think your article would be valuable for my readers. I have written a review on this article and posted a link back to it. You can check it out here: http://www.scholarshipforusa.com/2009/03/14-tips-for-starting-college-in-the-us/
Thanks
Rajib
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